Wario Land 64/Reports

Reporter Codename: Mike
It was like any other day, to be honest. The building felt cold, almost hostile. The atmosphere felt sharp, and the plain white walls didn't really help. I had been called in to test some new game they were working on; Wario Land 64. It was amazing, they said. 'Wario could move in 3 dimensions!'. I wasn't as excited as anyone else. It was a technological feat, sure, but... I had worries. Nothing major at the time, mind you; reports of the game being buggy, that sort of thing. And for our first attempt at 3D, i wasn't exactly expecting a pretty picture.

I had a clipboard in my hand, a pen and a little instruction booklet. The paper on the clipboard had a little message from corporate - "Test levels and write report on findings. Report bugs and make sure everything works."

I sat down. I didn't even get a chair. I sat there, infront of the prototype system, hooked up to the TV. The room was uncomfortably small, like it was closing in from all angles. That's the closest I'd ever get to claustrophobia. The room's light was on, so the only illumination was the screen. It was already on, and the cheery, happy music it played was like a contrast to everything around me. It didn't even feel like Wario. It was just a test song, I figured. Something nice to show off the sound capability

I was greeted to the game's title screen. "Wario Land 64" it said, in a basic white font on a black background. Above it was a large model of Wario's head. Yes, THAT large Wario head. Of course, at the time, it was just a title screen asset. It.. unsettled me, a little, to be honest. It could've been the sharp lighting, his head in the dark, or just seeing a 3D model like that. Maybe I had some premonition, I don't know. Regardless, I pressed the 'START' button.

The music cut out in an instant, the screen went black. For a few moments, everything was dark. I sighed, thinking the game probably broke. I got up, already picking up the pen to write that it broke. Right as I grabbed the door handle, the game sprung to life, almost as if to beckon me back. I felt tempted to hit my head into the door.

I got back down, picking up the controller where I left it. It was some level select menu, I can't remember the details. I think it played what would become the very same File Select song in the final Mario 64. It was... unfinished, though. It felt almost empty, dreadful even. Maybe I should've taken it as a warning sign and left. It tempted me, sure. But corporate would be on my ass, and I really can't stand that.

I just picked the first level, "GRASSPLAIN". Wario spawned in, fully three-dimensional. I had to admit, it was incredible. Before him was a small grassy area with some objects scattered about. Nothing really cohesive, though. It was probably just a test level. That, or we really needed new level designers.

They were nice enough to give me a little manual. It was quaint, I suppose. I skimmed through until I found the controls section, and got myself adjusted to the game's controls. Funnily enough, Waluigi was there on that manual, it looked like an old unfinished model though. He didn't have teeth, it was weird. I hope they would've updated that in the final game.

GRASSPLAIN
It was... fine. Nothing special compared to everything else. Plain solid colours for most of the terrain, that sort of 'developer' vibe. There was some spider-like enemy, although I accidentally defeated it while messing with the controls. I wasn't looking at the screen, I think I hit it with a punch or something. By the time I looked up, it had already turned into a placeholder puff of smoke and vanished. "Ugh", I thought. "There better be more of those".

I ran Wario around the course, interacting with blocks and switches and other miscellaenous objects. None that really mattered. There was a switch though, a big one. It was purple. I don't remember what happened when I pressed it, but there was some dialogue on the screen. If I recall, something about Waluigi. I assumed it spawned him in, since later on in the level I saw him.

He was just.. standing there. He wasn't moving, or animating. The silence, the simplistic world around us.. he didn't do anything, but I decided enough was enough. I wanted to get this over with.

"Grass level" I began to write. "Worked fine. Waluigi model didn't seem to move or interact. Bug?".

I pressed the START button again and it kicked me back to the level selection screen. It was silent this time, I guess they forgot to make the music trigger again.

CASTLE1
I booted up the level. There were a few others, but none of them let me select them, just some buzzing noise when I tried to enter them. How sloppy to leave inacessible levels there.

When I entered CASTLE1, I was set in the first floor of some castle area, looked to be Wario's. This place thankfully had more textures, so I had an easier time orienting myself. It was quite similar to the one later shown at Spaceworld, but with different textures. The walls were golden, the floor was entirely covered in carpet and Wario's emblem was across the walls, albeit grafitti'd over. Syrup's doing, I guess.

No music here either, just the buzzing of the console and the click of the controller buttons. It sickened me. I already felt tired and every moment I spent walking Wario around testing areas would be another moment of time lost forever. I pressed on. The castle felt weirdly open. The roof was far higher up than it really ought to have been, it took far too long to walk from place to place.

There were rooms, with big white squares on the walls. Looking back, these would probably become Paintings later down the line, although I never got to see that before we had shifted the game to Mario. I didn't really care. I wandered around for a little while, before stumbling into what seemed like the basement.

I could've sworn it went on forever. There was thick, black fog all around Wario. The silence was dreadful, like a Wario-based horror game and something was waiting in the darkness to jump out at me. But nothing ever came.

After a few minutes of aimless wandering, I came across a door. I could've sworn Wario went through without my input, but I don't remember too well. Whatever was on the other side of that door, I was filled with the overwhelming premonition not to look. I opened the pause menu immediately, just in time to see a peek through the door. Could've sworn it was another Wario. Not that apparition, don't get me wrong. He looked normal, all things considered. I quit the level a few seconds later. I felt uninvited.

I quit the level a few seconds later and picked up my clipboard again.

"Castle level. Felt too big, strange white squares. Basement is weird, doesn't fit in the game at all. Weird Wario model?"

EF
It's best not to ask.

FIREBUBBLE
After exiting, I immediately looked for a different level that worked. My hands were shaking. It felt like the room got colder. Anyway, I booted up the FIREBUBBLE. It was a more traditional platformer, with a linear path and lava and fire everywhere. I stepped into the lava to test it. Wario shot up and he lost some health. Seemed to work as normal, so I progressed. Still silent, which bugged me. There were various enemies, but none of them seemed to have any kind of collision with Wario, so they just eerily followed me. It didn't feel like having an army of pets, moreso like I was being watched.

There was a warp pipe near the end. When I went through, it shot me out in another basic textureless area. More dialogue popped on the screen, but this I can remember better;

"Welcome to the Gauntlet! Defeat all the enemies for a special reward!"

When I closed the text box, a number appeared at the top of the screen. It used the same basic white font. It started at zero. The game froze for a few seconds and when it snapped back, several enemies had spawned. I panicked, and began moving Wario around the room frantically. That same 'not-Wario' from the basement was above the arena. It watched Wario for a while as I ran him around the room. Before I got a chance to get a grip and defeat the enemies, the game froze again. This time, some of the enemies seemingly despawned when my camera wasn't on them.

When I had defeated the ones that were still there, the counter went from 0 to 10. Dialogue appeared that said "NEW RECORD! Stage Clear, Wario has unlocked the". It cut off there. The game froze again. I was atleast happy that I 'won' an event, I suppose. It was pretty engaging, if a little basic. When I pressed the button to close the text, the game immediately booted me back to the level select screen. I picked up the clipboard.

"Firebubble. Lava works fine. Gauntlet event was pretty basic, felt out of place. Fun though, enemies seemed to despawn. Same not-wario from before."

I believe from this point on, I had passed out or had a concussion, something to that effect. The last thing I seemingly did was hover over a level called 'WARIOWALUIGIARENA.'

My Dream
When I booted up the level, the game went silent for about 10 seconds. I thought I broke it again, until the character spawned in. It was a dark area, seemingly a circular arena. Something felt wrong. VERY wrong. More black fog faded in. I could see Wario in the distance.

From here, my memory gets pretty fuzzy. I remember seeing the strange "not-Wario" again as Waluigi ran away. What I was making him run from, i can't remember. All I can remember is that it got closer, and closer, and closer. When it touched Waluigi, the game froze. I blacked out.

Waking Up
When I woke up, I panicked. I thought I suffered a concussion or something. The memories of the dream were fresh in my mind. I got up, still in that same room. The level select screen was still on the WARIOWALUIGIARENA level. When I opened the door, I looked around to find a clock. Thankfully, only an hour or so had passed since I began testing.

I decided not to tell anyone about me passing out until I got to my doctor. For now, I was just focused on filing the report.

I felt watched.

I still dream about that ARENA level. I see Waluigi, and that strange character. I don't see what was chasing him, though."