Soul Extraction Program (Ultra64Detective2401's Interpretation)

The Soul Extraction Program is a subroutine in Super Mario 64 that can extract the player’s soul. (What did you think? It’s literally in the name) The actual mechanics of how this works depends on your philosophical position on the existence, purpose, and mechanics of the soul.

Sometimes. Other times it’s a constant no matter your position.

Ways to Trigger the Soul Extraction Program

 * 1) Encounter the Wario Apparition and don’t power off the console.
 * 2) Enter the Eternal Fort when you are not worthy.
 * 3) Complete the game in the way you would if the game was a Freemason Initiative. Keep in mind all the Freemason imagery, and use that to guide you. If this happens, the result will always be that your soul has “ASCENDED”. This is not a good thing.
 * 4) Enter The Shadow Realm to enter Course 666 (Meat Factory). Then die there. (The result will always be Effect 1).
 * 5) Play the 7/29/1995 build.
 * 6) Leak the full Oman Archives.
 * 7) Using any method, cause this screen to appear. The screen may also appear after you’ve activated the program as an indication the procedure has begun.
 * 8) Get a Wario Approximation of 11. No, there’s no way to prevent this from happening.
 * 9) Get a Shared Nightmare about the beta penguin, and look directly at the penguin in your dream without looking down.
 * 10) Basically everything you’re warned not to do in Super Mario 64 but you aren’t told why
 * 11) Play the game at 3AM
 * 12) Be a beta kid while also having a TikTok and post cringe there (the AI knows the difference between good shorts and cringe), while also accepting a sponsor by Raid Shadow Legends. And support the removal of dislikes on YouTube. All at once. (It’s said that specific combination creates too much cringe for the AI to handle)
 * 13) Discover the existence of the program. That includes by reading this page. It’s too late for you now.

Side effects of having your soul extracted
As mentioned earlier, the effects usually depend on your position on what souls are, metaphysically-speaking. Here’s a list of the possible effects.


 * 1) You die. Just like that. Nothing else.
 * 2) You stay alive, but if you die you cease to exist. Your afterlife’s gone. (This only happens if you accepted the existence of afterlives)
 * 3) You become an Undead (You know, a zombie, a vampire. Those kinds of stuff.)
 * 4) You stay alive, but if you die you go to Hell. (This occurs if your position is that losing your soul means losing your chance at Heaven.)
 * 5) You become a philosophical zombie. (We have no confirmed cases of this, given p-zombies act just like normal people, but we believe this can happen if you equate your soul to be your conscious self.) That means from your perspective, you’re dead.
 * 6) You slowly lose your sanity over time.
 * 7) You lose all emotion, as you start to become more and more like a mindless automaton.
 * 8) Alternatively, you only lose positive emotions, like love:Negative emotions remain.
 * 9) You “ASCEND”. This only happens if you do the Freemason ritual. The effects of “ascension” have not been rigorously studied, but the effects are known to be extremely bad.

Theories

 * The Soul Extraction Program may have been created by whoever created the AI itself. It could be the reason why Nintendo axed the AI from all future releases. Then again, it’s often activated by doing what Nintendo wouldn’t want people doing anyways, so we’re not so sure.
 * This could be proof Nintendo made a deal with demonic entities. Possibly from a real-life version of the Shadow Realm.
 * The fact that the ontological effects of having your soul stolen depend on what your philosophical position is is rather odd, as there should be one singular answer to this question. Some have reached the conclusion the entire process is illusory, although the number of actually dead people speaks otherwise. Others have instead reached the conclusion that if what happens to someone who has lost their soul depends on what they believe the soul is, that means the metaphysics of the universe is personalized, which supports the hypothesis that-

Oh no. It’s coming for me. Time’s running out, RUN BEFORE IT-

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA