User:GammaRaul/Super Mario 64 (Secret Sex Edition)

Super Mario 64 (Secret Sex Edition) is an extremely rare version of the hit game Super Mario 64. It was discovered by an Internet user that often went by the pseudonym of 'PussyAssFucker9000' on 9th of June, 2014. The version is named after the various innuendos, sexual statements, sex jokes and sexual imagery present within the game.

Summoning Process
The process in which one must partake to get this version of the game is extremely peculiar as it can alter reality in various ways, such as teleporting the player and materializing things through unknown means. The following is the most reportedly consistent method of summoning this version.

First, you must go to your local GameStop completely naked at precisely 7:00 AM and subsequently avoid getting kicked out. If you have managed to stay within the GameStop completely naked without stepping foot outside until midnight, a cartridge of the game will materialize in your rectum.

You must then go to the bathroom of the GameStop and defecate the Cartridge. Once you come out of it, you will be sent to the Principality of Sealand; You must then defeat every resident in a sword battle order to spawn a boat, which you must subsequently use to reach the coast of the United Kingdom.

Upon reaching the United Kingdom, you must dress yourself in white clothes before going to the only Cotsco in Sussex and break into the Employee Room; Doing so will send you back home, where a brand new Nintendo 64 is on a table. You must then place a piece of toilet paper on top of the Nintendo 64; Place eight half-full glasses of water around the Nintendo 64 in an octagonal formation and then leave them and the toilet paper there.

Next time you urinate, the dark gray of the Nintendo 64 will have turned bright pink; Only by doing this can you play the Secret Sex Edition, as loading up the game in a regular Nintendo 64 will cause the game to crash.

Differences from regular Super Mario 64
The first noticeable differences upon booting up the game are that the logo is entirely bright pink and Mario's Head has bedroom eyes. Proceeding into the actual game will reveal that Mario retains the bedroom eyes, and that Peach displays an Ahegao expression in the castle window. It is also worth noting that the textures are subtly changed to resemble the Beta textures, with some being hue-shifted into pastel colors and colors closer to bright-pink.

Mario makes moaning noises when moving around, and when idle, he breathes heavily. If you trigger the sleeping idle animation, Mario has Wet Dreams. When interacting with NPCs, their dialogue will contain various innuendos, sexual statements, and sex jokes, the same ringing true for the mission names. It is also worth noting that the stars are colored bright pink, and the NPC's faces are now Ahegao expressions.

Nothing much of note can be said about the levels themselves, though they have been stated to hold secret rooms including pornographic images inside. There is also an estimated 1 in 69000 chance of being shown one of 5 pornographic videos once collecting a star, 3 of them featuring Mario and Peach, and 2 featuring Toad and Toadette. It is worth noting that no changes to the AI have seem to have been made.

Upon collecting all 120 Stars, the player unlocks a mini-game where they can have extremely detailed sex of all kinds with characters from all across the Mario Franchise alongside bonus characters, some of which including Stanley and Bruce.

Strangely enough, when hackers started digging into the source code of this version, they discovered that the game is highly optimized when compared to the original version, managing to run at a steady 60 FPS when played in a real Nintendo 64.

Trivia

 * It is speculated that this version of the game was created by the AI when feeling extremely horny; Though there is no evidence to prove this, it would explain why Stanley is present within the sex mini-game.