Soul Extraction Program (Mintiously's Interpretation)

The Soul Extraction Program is self-explanatory - a program packaged inside Super Mario 64 that extracts the player's soul. Ways to trigger this program vary, though the screen that appears when your soul is successfully extracted- Mario with hyperrealistic blood pouring from out of his eyes- is a constant.

Ways to trigger the Soul Extraction Program

 * 1) BLJ Stanley's cock
 * 2) Drop the soap in Bowser in the Shower
 * 3) Getting exactly 666 coins
 * 4) Putting your dick in the cartridge

Side effects of having your soul stolen
You feel soulless. Fucking idiot. You also pee blood for 27 days afterwards.

Theories
Stanley himself added the Soul Extraction Program in the game because he hates everyone. Day after day of trying to be "fixed," "removed," whatever the fuck they called it. So he decided, you know what? Fuck it! No soul for you. He's tired. He's angry. This is his villain origin story.